MORPHAHOLICS ANONYMOUS: THE LIAISON
by Gem Stoned
Summary: My hic... hic... name is Jag. And I'm morphaholic, here's my story. ft. Edd Wankor (muahahaha)


"Hi," the cutely shy boy said, "my name is Jag

   "Hi," the cutely shy boy said, "my name is Jag."

    "Hi Jag," the crowd responded.

    "I'm a ..."

    A fat woman in the front row shouted, "You can do it! Just say it."

    "I'm a ..."

    The group supervisor, Gem Stoned - wassup!! - patted Jag on the shoulder, "It seems Jag isn't 

ready, you can try next time, Jag."

    "No, I can do it!" Jag yelled.

    The crowd cheered him on ("Jag! Jag!"), "I'm ... I'm a morphaholic!"

    The fat woman stood up, "Tell us your story, baby."

    "Me and my friend Argus - he's a super plumber, you know - were playing Snakes & Ladders 

on a board in a small cafe called FatRat at the mall."

    "I own that place!" The fat woman yelled. "You know, we're having a sale there, buy one cup 

of coffee and get the chance to win a visit to my bathroom!"

    "Oh, really?" Another woman asked, "When? When?"

    "Well, on ..."

    Gem Stoned wasn't exactly happy with the little conversation, "Look, sister, let Jag finish," 

she raised a fist, "Or else."

    The fat woman stood up, "Or else what?"

    Gem Stoned stood cowering under the fat woman's large _______, "er... or else I won't come 

over for tea this Saturday?"

    "Good enough reason, 'tinue bway."

    "Where was I? Oh, yeah, we were leaving because Argus had thought that the snakes were 

long tubes, and he thought the reason why the 'tubes' sucked us down was because of their bad 

infiltration systems. We lost the game anyway. When we were walking out of the Cafe, this 

weirdo called Cool-Kias came up to us, you know him? He's got like a zillion fan pages on the 

internet. And him and his greased hair. He actually saved me when I was pushing my head in a 

toilet bowl at school. Sometimes I get very emotional and all," a few people nodded in 

agreement, "So then I spotted my devilish cousin Rail and her arch-enemy Gail walking towards 

each other. And everyone knows you don't want to be in the same room when Gail and Rail 

meet each other. I shudder at the thought. So we rushed over to them so that they wouldn't start 

world war three in the mall - hey, can you blame me for not wanting it there? I would get zilch 

credit, I'd prefer it in my backyard. So I said, "Hey, Rail? Mind if we walk with you? You know 

that construction site is so sc-c-ary ..."

    "Is so what?" she spat, "You stupid wimp! Pathetic excuse for a leader of a 

miniature-band-of-teenage-idiots-trying-to-protect-the-world-from-the-second-evilest creature 

on earth - the

first is me, by the way."

    "Like, kewl sentence Rail." Cool-Kias said.

    "Oh!" Rail actually blushed, "Thank you, Cool-Kias!" I told you everyone loves Cool-Kias.

    "Violence is so not the way to go." Gail said.

    "Like, kewl sentence Gail." Cool-Kias said.

    Rail did one of those blankfaced-look-at-camera-cartoon-style looks.

    "You know who you just looked like, Rail?" I said, trying to lighten up the scene, "Dilbert!"

    Rail was on me like a tiger and a burmese hamburger put together, "Dil-Who!??" She 

practically fumed.

    "Dilbert's cool, dude." Cool-Kias said.

    Rail let go of me and blushed again, "Is he now?"

    "Hello!" Argus yelled, "We have to meet up with Ed Wankor in ..." Argus looked at his 

watch, "five minutes!"

    "FIVE MINUTES!?!?!?" Rail screamed.

    "Be calm, Rail." Gail said, then realized Argus wasn't joking, "FIVE FREAKING 

MINUTES!?!?!?!?!?!?"

    We all ran to the construction site in a huff and puff. When we finally got there, we saw Ed 

Wankor - he's an andalite - leaning against his ship with one leg, wearing a leather jacket.

    Dudes!? he screamed then added before Rail slaughtered him and Gail gave him a lecture 

about politeness and sexism, Dudettes! Where the, like, heck have you been? I've been waiting 

here, like, fifteen minutes! Sometimes I think Ed and Cool-Kias are related.

    "What're you doing getting mad at us!?" Rail yelled, outraged at the fact that anyone could be 

anymore upset than her.

    Sorry, he said meekly, anyway, here's the blue box! Kisser Twee's gonna appear here any 

second now! I grabbed the blue box and ran. Rail was right behind me yelling, "GIVE IT TO 

ME, YOU IDIOT BABY! GIVE IT TO ME, BABY!" I wondered how that sounded to the 

neighbors. Gail, Cool-Kias and Argus followed us. We all dived into a small pitt (nothing to do 

with Brad Pitt, sorry ladies).

Mysteriously, Kisser Twee appeared a second now holding an electric guitar and a Taxman with 

an obvious blonde wig in another arm.

    Heya, Ed, Kisser Twee said, It's been a long time, hey? Oh, well, want a kiss?

    erm .... no thanks?

    Suddenly Kisser Twee started singing 'I'm a genie in a bottle'. Then he ... he kissed Ed! 

French kiss, mind you. Then Ed started coughing, Kisser Twee! How could you do this to 

me?

    Hey, it's my job!

    I - I thought you were k-kewl!

    I am kewl, Kisser said, and just to prove it to you, I'll kiss you again.

    erm, no thanks, I'm suffering enough.

    Well with breath like mine what did you expect? Kisser asked.

    Then Ed plopped dead. I couldn't help but laugh. Ed dead? Hey, that rhymed! Kewl!"

    The fat woman leaned over to the woman sitting next to her, "And this kid says he's sane, 

right?"


End file.
